Obsessive Ex Syndrome

There is a client in my woman's group who was sharing about how she and her new boyfriend were walking down the street when her ex jumped from an alley and grabbed her by the throat, pinning her up against the wall, all the while screaming that if he couldn't have her no one will. Luckily for her, her new boyfriend was there to save the day. It is unfortunate, but I foresee this episode happening again, perhaps next time with the new boyfriend for this women will only go out with what she calls bad boys. Mental illness is a must. Now, don't get me wrong. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with dating a man who has mental illness. The problem in this case is that she leads them on and pulls at their heart strings...and once she knows she has hooked them, she tosses them aside and moves onto the next man. I fear for her safety. I wish she would realize that dangerous game she is playing, but so far, she has refused to see.


Now not all cases are as clearcut as hers and unfortunately women all across the country are falling victim to an obsessive ex.  Obsessive Ex Syndrome has become rampant.  For reasons you decide to move on (date other people). The person who you thought was nice now begins to creep you out.  At first it seems like nothing more than a difficult breakup, but soon it begins to feel more like stalking.  Your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend, finding it mentally impossible to let go, keeps calling you and leaving messages, emailing you, visiting, arguing, and pleading with you to reconcile.  

Next they may  following, stalking or threatening you.   It may soon escalate into personal violence, vandalizing your belongings.  When left unchecked, this syndrome may eventually come to the point where the ex resorts to kidnapping, murder, or suicide.  In fact, many reported cases of

husband murders wife are actually Obsessive Ex Syndrome.   Therefore, it is important to recognize this syndrome in its early stages and take preventive steps. The longer the obsession persists without interruption or intervention, the more the obsesser will lose contact with reality. Doing  nothing is not the answer.  Obsessive Ex Syndrome must be identified in the early stages, and action be taken against its progression.  

What Are Some Red Flags

Unannounced visits or surprises

Gifts, flowers

Notes on your car or your door
Frequent phone calls

Long emails telling you how much he loves you

Questions you about your whereabouts or who you were with

Propensity for violence